Mother-A Bond, an Emotion !

 As I write this piece today on Mother's Day 2024, I am drenched deep into the everlasting memories inscribed on my heart and mind. The memories of my late mother whom I lost in her physical form in this fateful month of May, the 21st Day, in the year 2016- Budhha Purnima. 

If you have read my recent blogs, you would be familiar with certain incidents I have mentioned about her during her last days on earth. But, today I feel like giving some details. (Caution: These are sheer emotions, and you might feel emotionally overpowered reading some portions)

Born to a father who was a Govt. Teacher and a house-maker mother, Late Smt. Rampyari Sharma (my mother) was the eldest among her 5 siblings (4 Sisters & 1 Brother). The parents had migrated from the now PoK of then undivided India when they had not even entered their teens. My maternal grandfather (Nanu ji) had to leave literally everything (even his parents) while escaping from his then hometown in PoK in the aftermath of partition in 1947. He was accompanied by his aunt (Bhua ji) who somehow managed to reach the refugee camps on the Indian side. (More about this some other day). My Nanu, was adopted by a respectable family of a teacher in Sunderbani, brought up, educated to become a govt. teacher, and later got married to my Nani by his foster parents. 

My mother, who was the first child, was brought up with all the affection and care by the then forward looking family. They got her educated and she was perhaps among the first females of the town who was sent (in 1970s) to Jammu  (very uncommon for the girl child then) for higher studies. Being good in studies and supported by the open-minded parents, she completed her graduation and secured a govt. job (a teacher) at a rather young age (perhaps even before turning 20). She used to tell us that during her early years in the job, she had some students who were elder than her. 

Later, married to my father in a nearby locality (at almost a stone's throw), she had new challenges and roles in her new family (a joint family-described in early blogs). The foremost challenge was to balance the household and job (imagine being the only working woman in the family during 1980s and 90s). However, she managed both roles perfectly. She was a leader who encouraged other females of the family and the locality to gain formal education. (Though her Bhabhis were also educated, but were house makers). 

Cometh the year 1992, when a tragedy fell upon the family. Her only brother (my mamu) suddenly disappeared from the house. Left home for joining his newly secured job in Agriculture Department, the boy never returned !  Imagine the fate of the parents and the family who lost their only son, literally unaware about his whereabouts !This proved to be a major setback for the entire family, their whole world turned upside down. Being the eldest among the siblings, my mother adorned the role of the Son and the torchbearer of the family. Now, she had another important role, of giving time and emotional support/strength to her parents/siblings along-with being a wife, a mother, and a teacher. She performed all the roles effectively (among all thick and thin).

Fast forward to the year 2009, when she lost her mother in a rather episodic manner. Seemingly fine in her health, the whole event happened in about an hour when a lady in her 60s complained about chest pain (without any medical history related to heart), was brought to the hospital at less than 500 metres from her home in a talking/ walking state, and collapsed in less than an hour. The tragedy made the eldest daughter's role even more daunting, for she had to support her father and two unmarried twin sisters in a new role.(Imagine the emotional roller-coaster she must have been through- but never letting the things show up on her face). 

Cometh the year 2016, when after a brief illness, we lost the brave lady forever !

I have an ocean of memories, but want to mention a few episodes to highlight the futuristic mother and the MOTHER (dedicated to Mother's day).

• Being a working woman herself, she prepared her children to be capable to handle their life chores themselves. She always used to say that I have a brief life on earth, so be prepared to manage your own affairs yourself.
• She was deeply religious and spiritual, and got ingrained the characteristics in her children rather deeply. Benevolent towards the needy, she used to do charity quite liberally (sometimes even to the annoyance of her husband and children). I still remember the days when she was hospitalized at PGI Chandigarh, she had kept some cash by her pillow, and gave away to those patients/attendants near her bed whom she felt were needy.
• Howsoever busy and tired, she always had the time and energy to prepare food and feed those 'Babas', 'Sadhus', 'Peers'  and 'fakirs' who arrived at the doorstep.
  
• She was literally the support for her father during the challenging times. She made sure that she visited him daily on her way back to home from school. She even managed time to talk to him over phone while at home. I still remember his words at her funeral when he dejectedly gasped that he has lost his support pillar. 

I am vividly reminded of the instances during her last days when she was not entirely in her senses due to illness. Even in hospital she kept discussing about her daughters, worried that if they would be able to manage the family after her  if they would be able to stand on their own. (we didn't had the inklings nor the hints that she would leave us soon).

 One instance that still amazes me and makes me understand what a mother is:

One day, when we reached Chandigarh for getting consultation from PGI, we booked a hotel for spending the night. I was with my mother in the room, when she was feeling restless and a bit aggressive due the harm the medicines had caused to her brain while being treated in Jammu. Since she was aggressive and impatient at that time (not entirely in her senses), I had to be a bit tough to calm her and to get her in control. The result, she placed a TIGHT SLAP on my face. I was stunned ! and pretended as if I was hurt. What surprised me even more was the aftermath of it.

While she was aggressive and not in her senses, a mother is a mother after all, and the motherhood took over. The very next moment, she embraced me in her arms and cuddled me, asking politely if I was hurt ! I am still unable to figure out what actually triggered her to the effect that she was totally sane and normal that very moment ! The emotions of a mother towards her child had taken over. Nothing can connect me to the word "Mother" than this particular incidence. 

While in Haridwar for performing the last rites, before immersing the ashes of the heavenly soul and bidding her the last goodbye, I had the moment of putting on the  thread of the bag of ashes over my neck and embracing her in my arms. That load and the soothing embrace is inexplicable !

P.S. I apologize for triggering your emotions and if you felt bad or depressed after reading this piece. But these are my sheer emotions in the form of words that I had to bring out some day. Being said, if you find me sane, emotionally stable and mature, trust me, these incidents and learnings have a major role in this.