Life in a Joint Family !

Hello Everyone! So, as the title suggests, this is a blog post about my firsthand experience of life in a Joint Family system. But before I proceed further, I want to add a disclaimer that in no way I desire to generalize my own experience as the only representative model of a joint family. Rather, the more apt title for this article would be My Life Experience in a Middle-class small town Indian Joint Family. But, then, I feel that the title would become too long and too boring to get your attention! So with things clarified beforehand let me now take you into my experience of Life in a Joint Family.

Indian family system does comprise of broadly two kinds of families, first being the Nuclear Family where only two generations live together, and the second being the traditional Joint Family System where as many generations live together as possible! However, there are many small variations among these two classifications as well, and I don't want to dig that deep into in this write-up.

So, my family can be categorized as a "hybrid" Joint Family where the families of my father and his two brothers do Share a common compound, a common entry gate, a common field and above all "A Common Heart": A shared feeling that yes we are one single family! So again, one more disclaimer, that my family may not be an ideal model of Joint Family system.

To justify our jointness, I want to cite an instance from my kindergarten days, when a person in our school asked me about my siblings. To the astonishment of the person, I innocently remarked that I have "15 brothers and sisters" . The man was so much surprised that at the end of the school, that day, he called our auto-rikshaw wale uncle (our parents had hired an auto-rickshaw to drop us to and from the school) and asked about my family. The rickshaw wale uncle being told about my response, laughed his heart out and clarified that person that we were 3 siblings in all, and the rest were my Cousins!

So, what bound us all together then, were the efforts of my grandparents who never discriminated among their children (3 Sons and 2 Daughters). I still remember that my grandparents had made this convention that they would eat one meal in each of their son's house, in a day. The routine was followed till the very last days of their life. My grandparents had migrated from (now) Pakistan Occupied Kashmir (PoK) to India during partition. They merely had entered their teens then. Supported by the government authorities, they built up their family, their fortunes in India from the scratch.

Since my childhood, we have been told about how my grandparents had faced so many hardships while working hard to make fortunes in their new homeland (in J&K, India). I remember my parents telling me about how my bade Tauji (my father's eldest brother) had supported the education of his other siblings. I have been told about how my chhotte tauji (father's elder brother) had sacrificed his education so that my father could pursue higher studies (yes they had to make a choice then!).

I have mentioned the above instances to make a point that it is not only the present, but also the spirit of the past that makes us a joint family. So, coming back to the Joint family thing, yes, our grandparents were the central fulcrum of our family. They ensured the jointness till their last days on earth. We still share the dishes prepared in different kitchens as a norm.

I still vividly remember that during our childhood days, our house used to be a common place where we hosted a few dozen of guests daily. Those large vessels in which food was prepared in a single kitchen are still there with us. They are still used occasionally during festivities. We siblings* (cousins) had a common home tutor who started teaching our eldest cousin and left after I had passed my secondary school in 2009 with flying colours (all thanks to our revered Ved Kapoor Sir). Yes, for about 20 years!

Pertinent to mention here, that my mother was in service, and I was brought up by the other three ladies of our house: grandmother, and two Tayi jis ( this is what we call to our aunts). They still tease me narrating few instances of those days, about my mischief and all.

We still cherish those childhood days, when all of us siblings would "celebrate" the summer vacations together. We just needed any lame excuse to be together playing all day together, much to the annoyance of our parents. We still assemble together on a daily basis (whosoever is present at home).
We have equally cordial bond with our Aunts & Uncles (bhuaji and fufa ji) till today. So we are still one large happy family though many things have changed in these years.

This is not to paint an all good, an ideal happy family picture. Yes, we do have misunderstandings, yes, there have been some tense moments, yes there have been frictions. But, then, I believe that all these instances do add their own flavor to this institution called Family.

Today, a lot has changed, and we have come a long way where we have lost some of our family members (some very untimely as well) and added some as well (the latest one being my nephew who "arrived" last week only). But, above all, this is the jointness which has helped us prevail over each thick and thin. We do relish the happy moments and amplify our happiness and we do share our thoughts and feelings during tough times.

An imperfect Group Photo during my eldest Cousin's (not in frame) Marriage.

During a get-together at home.

In the end I want to thank you for sparing your valuable time reading this piece. I hope I have done justice to at least some of your expectations with the article. Any suggestions are eagerly welcome. Wishing you all, the jointness of hearts and mind, and Best of Health!